Your face is a jimmy john
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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