Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
