Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
