how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
