Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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