I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
