the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
zippers are such a cool invention
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
