Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
