She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
