If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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