Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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