community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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