Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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