Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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