Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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