I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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