Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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