i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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