Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
