i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
