Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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