just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
