I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
