youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
