help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
