She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
