the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
