I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
