dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
