capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I want to be your penis for a week.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
