did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
