I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
