You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
