Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
