Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
