dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
