I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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