They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
