I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
