have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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