Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
