I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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