Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
