We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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