and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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