Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
