...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
