he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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