Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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