I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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